Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Reflections

I haven't blogged for a few days. I actually missed it!

My laptop's motherboard died on me, so I had to decide whether to buy a new computer or get the old one fixed. I decided a new computer was in order - 500.00 for a new one with more options and more power or 600.00 to fix the motherboard on a laptop that was 4 years old.....

I also went to Virginia to visit with family. My brother was having a party to celebrate life (free from cancer's grip!)...and to witness the batism of my youngest nephew Joshua. It was wonderful having the entire family together (with the exception of my partner Steve who stayed back in IL), I always have a great time with everyone.

My brother and I fought as we always do. I think he tries so hard to get me to see his side of things (which I do, believe it or not), and I try so hard to get him to see my side of things (which I believe he does not)...that we miss just being together...

See...we will never be on the same side of the issue - it's just not possible. Unfortunately, I think we both get so wrapped up in it that neither of us can see the forrest through the trees. I try so hard not to get into these conversations with my brother - they are hardly productive and usually end up with one, or both of us being hurt, angered, frustrated. I just do not understand how we ended up this way....

I guess what hurts me the most is that while I may not agree with my brother's position on issues, I do believe that I understand his position - though I ardently disagree with it. My brother, however, has absolutely no understanding, nor desire to view my position on anything as legitimate. That is where my anger and hurt enter. It amazes me that we both grew up in the same home, with many of the same challenges.......

What else can be said? My brother and I are on the opposite ends of the universe when it comes to politics and social issues. I cannot change him, and he cannot change me. We are at an impasse that I try my hardest not to become entangled. But somehow, someway, we end up in a match......and there are no winners....

My goal is to avoid this kind of confrontation in the future - I would rather not converse with my brother than to only converse on the subjects that cause us division and angst.

Peace.Love.Live.
JPB

3 comments:

Jenny said...

John,
I understand what you are talking about. It would be nice but we somehow end up in the same boat. If we were capable (and I don't know that we are) we need to not rise to the occasion when it presents itself. If one of us says something that we know Jim will not agree with, then he just needs to let it alone and not repsond. The same goes for us, if Jim says something we don't agree with, then we just need to let it alone. In a perfect world, neither side would say anything about politics, religion, social issues, etc because when we are all togehter, this becomes the focal point and people's feelings are hurt. We are all guilty (some more than others) of baiting the other party into a discussion on the above topics. We also, purposely back each other into a corner with scenarios that probably wouldn't happen just to try to get the other one to concede a point. We don't fight fair and therefore should not fight at all. One thing is obvious from all of this though. If feelings are getting hurt, then it means that we all still love each very much, because otherwise, we really wouldn't care what the other one thought. Hurt feelings occur when someone you care about says or does something that effects you (and it can only effect you if you care). Neither side will ever agree about these key issues. It is just the way it is. God grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Serenity. It is something we are often times missing in our family.
Love,
Jenny

jpb2525 said...

Not Serentiy....Sanity....now that is what is lacking in our family...(just kidding!)..very good points Jenny. I am guilty - and fell back into old patterns that I have learned to avoid. Much like any 12 step program - we must avoid behaviors that lead us to do what we know is not healthy.

mom said...

Hi John, Jenny is taking me through the steps of responding to blogs. I love you so much and your blog is now on my favorites thanks to jenny. I am sorry about the competition between you and jimmy and wish it were different. I love you both very much. I celebrate life too, pray for peace and love with all my heart. Mom.